Rumblings of the Dr9gon

Thursday, August 25, 2005

sinking in the sand

Everything is falling apart...it's like a sandstorm....so many little peices making up a whole, swirling aorund me....I feel lost...like I'm drowning....I want this to work....but I fear....I doubt....I pray...something I dont do very often. I pray for the happiness of those involved....I pray that no one gets hurts.....I pray....something I've never truly done before...I only hope my ancestors hear me...

Friday, June 03, 2005

.....Dr9gon's got the funk.

...I don't even know where to begin.....


Did you ever get to know someone....think they were so much better than the rest of the crowd...then you see their true side...and you get let down so fast it feels like you just jumped off a cliff?

I'm not talking about Dasha, of course. She's still one of the few things i have in my life that I can count on.

It's the rest....I see my friends...all turning. Friends who I thought were good, honorable people....turning into these....degenerates and whores. Now..I'm not perfect, but I at least stick to my ideals. But...they have been corrupted...the Merovingian is taking my friends from me....turning them over to his side....taking away the parts of them that made them special. They are becoming one with the writhing masses of strung-out puppets that he keeps on strings of sex, drugs, and power.

...And there's nothing I can do about it....

I don't know if it's just me....did I not see these people for what they really were when I met them? Was I so blinded by ideals of peace and friendship that I failed to notice such things? Or have they really changed?......Or is it I that have changed....have I become that which everyone says the Machinists are?....stuff-shirts with no sense of fun?...

....I feel like I'm drowning.....and I cant seem to swim to the surface.....The only thing that keeps me from sinking to the depths....the few remaining friends I have...and Dasha....my light....and the Machines have kept her from me as of late. Too long. The Matrix just doesnt have the same spark without her...I feel lost without her...swimming in the code with no sense of which way is up.....I cant get grounded. I need her....I need friends......I can have neither....and it's killing me...

Friday, May 27, 2005

Spoiler

I've been trying lately, trying very hard. We havent had much time to ourselves lately, Dasha and I. Between her work with the Machines, and my hardware glitches, we've been lucky to steal a few moments together. The other night, however, I made sure we had a lovely night. Dasha let me cook dinner. I had fun, and it was nice to have Dasha all to myself for a night. It's been too long since we had a romantic evening together, it was very nice. God, I love her so much....

I seemed to have fixed my neuraljack...hopefully it'll hold.

More to come later.

Friday, May 20, 2005

A Great Night

Here aboard The Executer....It's amazing here. I'm in heaven. This thing has....so much. The archives alone....simply amazing. I'm finding out things I've never dreamed of. It's nearly overwhelming.

But access to the Machine Historical Archives aren't the reason I'm in such a good mood. Dasha and I are finally able to be together, without worrying about her programming getting in the way. I can finally hold her in my arms without worrying about Spybuster, or Agent protocol, or anything like that. Finally, I just get Dasha....and she's the most wonderful thing in the world. I know it's still code....but still...her beauty, her warmth, her smell...I swear, it's absolute heaven. Nothing compares. Nothing. I'm tempted to hand over my ship to Amnesty and never leave. But I know I cant do that. I have a job to do, sacrifices must be made in the name of the greater good. Still...I'll enjoy it while I can. And I'll damn sure come back often.

As an aside....it's truly amazing up here...above the surface. I look down on Zero One and I can actually see beauty there. Mechanical beauty, sure, but one has to admire the precision.....it's like an ant colony. Everything has a purpose, a goal. And they all work tirelessly to fullfil thier purpose. It seems so....peaceful. They dont worry about getting ahead, they are content to do what they were designed to do. I suppose I'm envious, in a way. They know their purpose....each one knows exactly what it's supposed to do, and exactly how to do it. I envy that, in a way. I have chosen a purpose for myself, I just dont know how to attain it, or whether its my correct purpose. I just wish to see everyone, especially Dasha, happy. I guess every dreamer wants world harmony...I dont know why I thik I can actually make a difference. I guess the remote possibility of actually being able to change the world keeps me going. Without that sliver of hope to hold on to....I dont know if I'd be where I am.

Ha, listen to me...I'm in heaven with the woman of my dreams and all I can do is wax philosophical about my place in the universe. I guess having not a care in the world, my mind is having the chance to wander, for once. I just feel so....at peace here. It's like some ancient temple of harmony and self-reflection. Well, it is for a lovestruck geek like me, anyway. But I'm droning on, and probably boring the hell out of you. So I'll go. Maybe I can find something good to eat in the galley. The best part about this ship....NO GOOP!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

"Do it for the Butterflies"

Ok, so a line from an Adam Sandler movie doesn't quite sum it up...I'm feeling odd today, deal with it.

Quick update on recent events. I went back to the Machines...my business with the Merv was short-lived and ultimately pointless. Back with the machines, and all is well. Actually..flying over ZeroOne right now....fascinating city. I'd love to get down there and look around, but some other time.

Right now we're docking with the Executer, Dasha's flagship. I gotta say, I'm nervous as hell about meeting the woman behind the RSI. The best way I can describe it is the feeling you get picking up your date for Prom night. I'm so nervous about making a good impression. I dont want to disappoint her.....I dont know...maybe I worry too much.

Well...time to spruce up. I want to look my best for her.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Life sucks, and everyone dies.

Well...long time with no update, but I'm back...sorta.

These last few weeks have been very hard...I'm just grateful to have a few friends that stuck by me.

Eunoia is dead...Killed by another redpill, at the behest of ...someone else, not sure who. Jan is dead, killed by someone, I have no idea...at the behest of...someone..maybe? I dont know. I'm not going to talk about it.

I've had to do alot of things I'm not proud of these passed few weeks, notably stealing a ship from my crew. Dont ask.

So, I've switched sides....I work for the Merv now....that hasn't made people very happy..but he offered things that the machine's just couldnt, or wouldnt, give up.

I have awakened a monster....a crewmember...Risette. She is....interesting. A fragment from a scared girl's insanity given the breath of life...and thanks to me, given the Red pill as well. I wonder how this is going to play out.

Needless to say, I havent been making many friends these days. In fact, I'm losing them. I'm grateful for the few that have stayed with me. Amnesty, Candy (who I'm amazed can still even speak to me after what I did), Strict9 and his crew, Becca...There are others, but I'm not in the best frame of mind to remember.

All thoughts as of late drift to Dasha. She is...everything to me. The perfect woman, my ultimate fantasy. I have no idea how I got so lucky as to win her heart, but I am eternally grateful to whatever power intervened in my favor. As I lay here, in her arms, I am ...at peace. I love her...I can actually say that with certainty. It scares me, but only slightly, that I can be this devoted to someone, but it just feels...right. If it werent for her....I never would have made it through these last few weeks.

Sorry if this particular update was a tad fragmented...I'm a little distracted. So if you'll excuse me...

Thursday, April 28, 2005

....

Whoever did it...You are going to pay, and pay dearly. If I find you, I swear to god, you will pay for the rest of your miserable life, you son of a bitch. Don't let me find you first, Asshole.